


Emails and Epiphanies

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-02
Updated: 2008-01-02
Packaged: 2019-05-31 08:58:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: He loved the way she fit under his arm; the way she snuggled against his chest.  It sent warmth through his entire body.





	Emails and Epiphanies

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Ellie laughed aloud, covering her mouth with her hand so as not to draw more attention to herself. The sound of jubilance made Toby smile.

“No, he did not.” she shook her head, still laughing. “C’mon, you're not serious.”

“He definitely did. Right in front of the Jefferson Hotel; in one of those big ass flowerpots. And there I am covering him so that the cover of the Washington Times the next morning won't show the Deputy White House Chief of Staff puking his guts out. Do you want to know the best part?”

“There is something better than that?”

“Yeah.” Toby nodded. “We were supposed to be getting Sam drunk because he had a lousy couple of days. He went home sober as a stone.”

Ellie laughed, reaching across the table to caress his hand. They were in Cosi, just a few blocks from Toby’s brownstone. It was a drizzly Sunday afternoon with the promise of more rain in the forecast. Neither one of them cared over coffee, tea, and overpriced food.

“You had some really good times in the White House, didn’t you?”

“One or two.”

“I remember this glow you used to have.”

“I didn’t ever have a glow.”

“Yes you did.”

“I didn’t Eleanor, I'm sure of it.”

“Stop it.” she laughed. “When my father would read your words, you most certainly did. I remember the crucial State of the Union, after the MS…the look in your eyes.”

“Abject terror?” Toby asked.

“A little bit, but satisfaction. I don’t know about everyone else but I can always tell when you are satisfied.”

“Hmm…” he leaned closer across the small table. “How?”

“Your eyes say things your mouth cannot. Your body language speaks volumes; to me anyway.”

“Yeah. I find that my body language only gets along with certain people.”

She smiled, her fingers running across his wrist. Toby wondered if she could feel him shudder.

“I would like for you to come with me to Huck and Molly’s tenth birthday party. It’s Saturday, May 5th though that is two days before their birthday. I thought you, Ellie, and I could drive down to Baltimore to make an appearance. I miss my daughter’s face.”

Molly had been to New York just twice in the past couple of months. Toby was not at all sure how to feel about it. He always let Molly know that he loved her and missed her. He also wanted her to be comfortable and happy. Right now, she felt that way with her friends.

“Have you talked about this with Andi?” Ellie asked.

“Her fiancée will be there.” 

“That is not what I asked you.”

“Huck invited you. I was hoping to invite you anyway as I know how much you like my kids. When his invitation came in the mail it had three names on it and two of them were Ellie.”

“Well I don't want to disappoint them. I also don’t want to be the cause of any friction on their special day.” she said.

“Andi and I don’t do friction. We are more of the suffer in silence type.”

“I cannot quite imagine Andi doing anything silently.”

Toby laughed and then wanted to stop talking about his ex-wife. That suited his companion just fine.

“What are we going to get them for their birthday?”

“Molly loves the mall, shopping, so I thought I would get her a gift certificate to the Gap. Huck, I really have no idea. He likes a little bit of everything.”

“We have two weeks to figure it out. You cannot wait until the last minute to go out shopping.”

“I know. I…”

His phone beeped. Toby picked it up from the table and saw he had an email alert. He pushed the button to open it. To: brooklyn1954@gmail.com From: flamingogirl@gmail.com. In Re: everything

“Toby? Honey, is everything OK?”

“This is going to sound totally insane but I need to go home and check my email. Even with my glasses I cannot read the little ass words on this Blackberry.”

“Alright.”

“I know how crazy this sounds.”

“Some, but its fine. C’mon, let’s go.”

They walked out with their arms around each other. Toby held the umbrella over them so they would stay dry.

“You've been checking your email pretty close lately. You want to tell me what's going on?”

“The day our picture showed up in the Post for the first time, CJ called me. Our conversation was strained…they always are.”

“I didn’t know. I thought you two were OK.”

“If OK means barely speaking, we are just fine. Ever since the leak we haven’t quite…it tore our friendship apart.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” Ellie replied. “Truly. I know how much you care about her.”

“We try. Sometimes we succeed but oftentimes we do not. I sent her an email expressing myself and it seems as if she has replied.”

“Toby, that was in March. It’s almost May.”

“CJ is a busy woman, saving the world and all that.”

“No wonder you have been crawling out of your skin.”

“Have I?” he asked.

“A little bit, yeah.”

A small smile made it past the protective shield of his beard. Ellie kissed the underside of his chin; he needed to tell her how much he loved that. Unlocking the door to the brownstone, Toby and Ellie walked in. She shook out their umbrella as he headed straight to the desktop in the living room. Joining him there a few minutes later, Ellie picked up Time Magazine from the coffee table and leafed through it.

Toby could not believe his palms were sweating as he typed in his password for computer access. It started to run the virus scan but he put a stop to that. All the technology in the world and the damn computer ran like molasses while doing virus scans. He went straight to his gmail account and opened the message.

To: brooklyn1954@gmil.com  
From: flamingogirl@gmail.com  
In Re: everything

So much is happening in my mind, I am sitting here crying over the keys, and I have not even said anything yet. Why? Why has six years gone by virtually without you? Why have you seen little Leo just once and Faye never? Why have we never gone together to lay flowers on Leo’s grave at Arlington? Why haven’t we had one of our stupid arguments that is not really an argument at all?

I miss you so much I can barely breathe. I've been really busy with work but distracted as I try to figure out what I am going to say to you. Do you believe there is nothing for me to say? We've had this distance before and we overcame it…we don’t need words. I need to see your face, touch your beard, and feel your arms around me.

It was my fault this time. I was so angry at you Toby. When you said you were the leak I was shattered…floored. It’s so far in the past and so much has happened, I can hardly recall it. The last year and a half of the Bartlet Presidency is a memory I can hardly touch, and probably for a good reason.

I need to come to New York and see you. I am going to apologize to your face for being a bad best friend. I forgive you for everything and hope you can forgive me. We are both at such good places in our lives. That is something we should share with each other as much as we can. There are a million things to tell you…things I can't write in an email. Years of things that we have not talked about but should have.

Thank you for being stronger than I am sometimes. Thank you for trusting me when I could not extend you the same courtesy. Thank you for always loving me and being my best friend, even when I wanted to wring your neck. I cannot wait to see you. I am overjoyed that you are happy. I love you very much.

Claudia Jean 

Toby had no idea how long he was sitting there, reading and rereading the screen. His eyes fell over certain words; grave, crying, distracted, distance, stronger, and overjoyed. He looked between the lines to see if this was just another empty email or their first steps in the journey back to each other. His ache for her was palpable. Toby tensed but immediately relaxed when he felt Ellie massage his shoulders. Sighing, he leaned his head back onto her stomach.

“Is everything alright?” she asked, her hands running down to caress his chest and stomach.

Her breasts felt good resting on top of his head. He nuzzled closer and heard Ellie’s sharp intake of breath.

“I think we are going to see the other side of this. She is coming to New York.”

“When?”

Toby shrugged, swiveling around in the chair and pulling Ellie onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist.

“We just really need to see each other. I need to put my arms around her and say I'm sorry. I know I've said it a million times but I just need to say it once more.”

“Six years is a long time.”

“We've had our moments.” Toby said. “I walked her down the aisle when she married Danny, which was awkward. I saw her again at the library opening. You're right though…six years is a long time. It was you who taught me not to waste anymore time, Ellie. When you love people you have to let them know, and when you have something to say you need to say it.”

“You already knew that. You just don’t listen to yourself because you believe you are biased in your own favor.”

“Aren't I?” Toby asked laughing.

“Not always.”

Toby smiled, kissing her. He moaned when she stroked his hair. Ellie pulled back, biting her lip.

“What?” Toby asked.

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“I'm just happy. I'm happy that you and CJ are going to reconcile. Now if you and my father…”

“We are fine. I did everything that I said I would sweetheart.”

Toby called Jed as he promised Ellie he would. The conversation was awkward but they both knew it was going to be. While Jed could hold a grudge almost as long as Toby, he said he had no ill will toward his former Communications Director. Their second conversation, after the pictures in the New York Post, went a bit differently. Still, the President knew when to concede. 

Ellie had her mother’s stubbornness, all of his daughters did. If she loved Toby then she loved Toby and that was it. He wanted Toby to do right by her, care for her, and love his grandchild. If he could do that, then the President would be satisfied. He never said happy but that didn’t shock Toby. Deep down he was unhappy with the current state of affairs. Toby never asked for his blessing, and as far as he knew neither had Ellie.

“I've been thinking about something.” He said.

“What's that?” she stood up from his lap, smiling when Toby frowned. She reached for his hand. “Wipe that scowl from your face Professor Ziegler; we’re just moving this party over to the couch.”

Toby did wipe the look off his face. He followed her over to the couch, relaxing against the arm before pulling Ellie close. He loved the way she fit under his arm; the way she always snuggled against his chest. It sent warmth through his entire body. In all the years since being politely escorted from the White House, the only things that produced that feeling were his children and a glass of bourbon.

“So, tell me what you're thinking.”

“Something crazy that I cannot get it off my mind no matter how hard I try.”

“Mmm, intriguing. Tell me more.”

“You said a while ago that you think we should sleep together every night.” 

“Did I?”

Toby laughed, kissing her forehead.

“You did, though I believe you were mostly asleep at the time.”

“Hmm, I probably said it. It is not an altogether unlikable idea.”

“No, its not. And I want to.”

“Alright.” Ellie laughed. “Lets draw up a decree.”

“Marry me, Ellie.”

“What?”

She tried to look at him but had trouble because of the way she was laying. She sat up and really looked at him. Toby’s face was serious but not serious looking…she saw the playful light dancing in his dark brown eyes. He meant what he said.

“Toby…”

“There are probably 197 reasons to say no; more than that even. There are two reasons to say yes.”

“What two reasons?”

“I love you and we make each other happy. I want you and Ellie here with me. I think I would be a good father to her. I want to be a father to another baby if you want that too. I want to curl up in bed grading tests until you make me stop. I want my sheets to smell like you everyday instead of once in a while. I want to see you hug my kids and laugh with them. I want to stay in bed on rainy days and make love to you. But mostly, I never, ever want the feelings I have for you to go away. I've been empty for so many years Ellie…empty and I are intimately acquainted. I want to get to know full. I want you for the rest of my life.”

“Oh my God.”

Ellie had never quite been speechless before. She tried to say one word, one hundred words, but nothing came. She opened her mouth, closed it again, and finally bit her lip. Her breathing changed and when Toby cupped her face in his hands, the tears brimming in her eyes spilled over.

“Toby…” the word sputtered out of her mouth.

“Shh. Don’t force it, it will come. Silence doesn’t bother me.”

They sat there on the couch. Toby went from holding her face to holding her hands. Ellie finally let out a long sigh, as if she had been holding her breath and could not do it anymore.

“Do you really want this?” she asked. “Because I have to tell you that I really want this and I am shaking all over.”

“This might convince you. I’ll be right back.”

Ellie watched him get up and go up the stairs. She could not believe this was happening. A few days after the twins’ birthday would be six months since walking into the Starbucks. Vic came into her mind. He told her he loved her three weeks after they met. It did not feel weird to Ellie when he said it, it just felt right. Just as everything felt right with Toby. Every single thing felt right.

She loved everything about him; every neurotic, moody, intelligent, funny, and quiet part of him. She loved his big drafty house. She loved to watch him sleep, and the way he lined his shoes up in the closet. She loved the way he chewed his pencils, loved that he still used pencils. She loved his children and hoped to get as close to Molly as she was to Huck. 

She loved that his touch made her quiver, the way he held her before, during, and after they made love. She loved the unmistakable look in his eye when he desired nothing more than her. She loved that he cared about her daughter. He and Ellie would read books, watch TV, and have tea parties with her stuffed animals after he spent long days at Columbia.

“Only a schmuck proposes to his girl without the proper hardware.”

Toby came down the stairs, a bit winded. He took a moment to catch his breath before standing at the couch and dropping on one knee in front of her.

“Eleanor Millicent Bartlet, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

He opened the jewelry box and Ellie could not help but gasp. It was a serious sparkler; about two carats. Ellie knew it was a princess cut, set in platinum and it was beautiful.

“Yes. Absolutely, positively, yes!”

He pulled her into his arms. They held each other on the floor as Ellie let more tears fall. Toby took her hand, sliding the ring on her finger. 

“Its almost as beautiful as you are.”

Ellie grabbed him, kissing him hard. Toby smiled against her mouth.

“I love you.” He murmured. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too. Oh Toby.”

“Oh Eleanor.”

She laughed, getting back on her feet. She pulled him up and put her arms around him.

“Its raining out.” She said.

“So it is.”

“I have until 6:30 to pick up Ellie from Dan’s. So, I was thinking…”

“Yes.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“My answer will always be yes.” 

“Be careful Professor,” she kissed him. “I could hold you to that.”

“Sounds good to me.”

He didn’t want to stop kissing her but Ellie started leading him toward the staircase.

“I'm going to take you upstairs; I'm going to undress you…”

They stopped halfway up for a round of passionate kisses.

“Then I'm going to make you call out my name.”

“Eleanor, Eleanor, mmm Ellie.”

She smiled, stopping again in the hallway for kisses.

“And after we take each other’s bodies on all kinds of magnificent adventures…” Ellie started to unbutton his shirt. “We will cuddle and watch the Bob Newhart Show.”

“You know how much I love the Bob Newhart Show.”

Ellie pulled him onto the bed and Toby wrapped her in his embrace.

“Are you really going to marry me?” he asked.

“This,” she wiggled her ring finger. “says I am. I love you Toby Ziegler. Now make love to me.”

Toby wasn’t sure if it was possible to float even higher in the clouds than he already was. Ellie was going to marry him; he wanted to call up everyone he knew and share the good news. He wanted to get a billboard and announce it to perfect strangers. All the years that he had been alone, even when he was not alone. Being with her did not make him forget about that time. 

He looked forward to something else though. He looked forward to family, breakfast in bed, arguing then making up, clothes overwhelming his closet, and her smile. Her smile could quite possibly be the best part of it all.

“Oh Toby.” Ellie shivered, arching her back as her climax rushed through her and into him. “Oh God, oh God!”

He held her tighter, groaning and trembling with his release. She relaxed in his arms as their sweaty bodies clung to each other on top of the covers.

“I can't wait to give everyone the good news.” She said.

“Will they all think its good?”

“I think its fantastic; that’s all that matters.”

“To me too.” He kissed her nose. “When I woke up this morning I didn’t know today would be like today. You can still be surprised by life.”

Ellie nodded, holding him tighter as the emotion of the afternoon moved to the core of her. He would make her so happy and achieving that would make him happy. She hoped Toby already knew that his mission was accomplished.

***


End file.
